who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
