Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So many bounce houses so little time
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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