Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
