I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
This is my gift to your gina
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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