They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He did a backflip because drugs
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
