are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
