Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I need to sanitize my soul.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
