but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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