My room smells like vodka and shame
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
