im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
