took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
