Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
