Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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