So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
