Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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