Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
