And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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