im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize