these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
