8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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