Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
