its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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