i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
