sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
