It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
