It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Another day, another engagement, another cat
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
