Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
