its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
