dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
