i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
