The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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