HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
