I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
