people are starting to question the shark bite story
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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