Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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