The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
babies were throwing up all over the place
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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