I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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