What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
is wine microwaveable?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
