May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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