you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
