If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
