I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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