I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just had sex on a roof
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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