Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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