you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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