I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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