I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
