my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
