I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Randomize
