Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
