either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
tonight lets celebrate not being married
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
