just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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