I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
